I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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