Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
