Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
