I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
