Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize