I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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