never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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