i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize