We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
