Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
