At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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