she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
