She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
