Don't make out with my wife yet
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
