How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
