Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Michael Bay diarrhea
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
