I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
