That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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