he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
