I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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