We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
