he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
please don't ironically join a cult
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