I hate all girls vehemently.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
