I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
