I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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