the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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