My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
