Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
