mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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