I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had sex on a roof
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize