not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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