at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
