The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
