I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize