I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
