love makes seman taste better
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
