You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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