So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
