He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
