How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
