This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
