Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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