maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
