i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
