I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
