Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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