I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
