I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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