hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
