tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Alive.
So much puke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
