someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
