so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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