Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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