I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well you can't waste a boner
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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