hell yes lets make some ravioli
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
