you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
