I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
