I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
