so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
