So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
