just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
