I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
