They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
